More kind of famous people I sort of know

Yesterday afternoon I was doing my most hated chore - the ironing. It is the bane of my existence. I refuse to even look at the ever growing pile of wrinkled clothes until it is taller than my youngest child. Once it reaches this height, I start working from the top and iron until the pile shrinks to about 8-12 inches tall and then I stop to take a rest. At this point, I run screaming out of the room my attention gets diverted from the few remaining items that need ironing and I set off to do something less futile and mind numbing else. There are probably items at the bottom of that basket that haven't seen the light of day in years. I should just clean it out & donate those bottom feeders to charity. At least then someone would get a chance to finally wear them.

Well honestly, what I really should do is just get my dryer fixed so that the clothes are actually dry when it stops running. About half of the time, my dryer stops working once everything is about 85% dry. It shuts itself down and the clothes sit in this giant, slightly damp pile for 15-20 minutes until I realize that I can no longer hear the dryer running. I hit the start button again, but by this point the damage has already been done. And this, my friends, is why I have such a crazy big pile of ironing to do. My dryer manages to set the deepest wrinkles I have ever seen into clothing that would normally never need to be pressed. But, I digress....

To make the time pass more quickly & help dull the pain of this dreaded task, I was watching a little HGTV. The show Designer's Challenge started up and about 30 seconds into the show, I heard a familiar voice. I looked up & there was my friend Chris -on TV! Holy Flashback! Chris & I worked together ages ago in Atlanta when I was a buyer. I haven't seen her in at least 6 years. She and her husband were on the show to have the great room in their beautiful lake home redecorated by a professional interior designer.

A flood of memories hit me when I saw her. I remembered that she was completely hilarious. She kept us all laughing even during the most stressful times at work (which were plentiful). I also remembered attending her wedding and shortly thereafter getting an invitation to the new home that she and her husband had just bought.

I was excited about the dinner because at the time Mr. Crackers & I didn't have any "couple" friends. We had a group of buddies who we hung out with, but they were mostly my single girl friends (I try not to take it personally that all of Mr. Cracker's male cohorts fled his side like rats on a sinking ship after we started dating seriously. Maybe it was just a coincidence that they all stopped returning his calls once they met me...). Mr. Crackers was a good sport about this, but I knew he needed a friendship that included a little more testosterone.

Anyway, I thought the evening was fraught with possibility. I had met Chris' husband several times & he was both funny and friendly. I thought that he and Mr. Crackers would get along swimmingly.

When we pulled up to their house, we noted right away that it was quite big, at least by the standards you'd expect of a couple in their 20's. It was in the suburbs, about a 35 minute drive north from our little bungalow in the city. We also noticed 2 new cars & a new boat in their driveway. It turns out that Chris' husband had gotten into the real estate market and was apparently doing very well for himself.

We collectively had one of those moments, where you get just a little bit jealous & start thinking "Hey, where's my boat? Where's my new car?" At the time, I was still driving my tampon mobile (see here) & Mr. Crackers was driving a car that had no radio or air conditioner. We loved our little house, but it was in an area euphemistically referred to as "in transition". We didn't necessarily live in the 'hood, but we lived right next door to it and were always expecting to get robbed on our way to the front door.

Still, we managed to rise above our envy and pettiness. I mean, if you can't have a boat yourself, the next best thing is a good friend with a boat. Right? Right?

Anyway, we headed inside for dinner and learned something important that evening. Just because you like two people & think they are funny, it does not guarantee that you will "click" as a couple. Nope, if memory serves it was an awkward dinner that never really got off the ground. It was filled with some lengthy silences and stiff smiles. After the meal, we thanked them for their hospitality and then beat a path back to the 'hood and our small cottage. I think we both knew that we wouldn't be getting another invitation.

Oh well, the years have passed and it looks like Chris and her husband still have a boat & a really, really big house (did I mention this one was on a lake?). The good news is that they were both also as nice and funny as I remember. It's nice that some things don't change.

Nine Jedi + Princess Leia = Lots of Shenanigans

I know I am a bit overdue with my recap of the big Star Wars party, but I needed a day to recover. So without further ado, here is "Star Wars 2009 - The Birthday" done House of Crackers style.

As Sunday drew closer, I had really come to regret that I agreed to host 8 other 6 year old boys in my home for C's birthday party. I had what you might call an overwhelming sense of dread & impending doom. Not only were all of these boys coming to my home, but they would be staying for THREE HOURS! Seriously, what was I thinking?

Once the boys arrived, they were suited up in their Jedi ponchos robes (or in other words, we threw a piece of brown felt over their heads & tied a rope around their waists). They were then directed to the table to make a picture about outer space. I figured I needed to fill some time, so this seemed like a good thing to do before they got all hopped up on cheese balls & sugar.

I am amazed they all stuck with it. I thought for sure there would be some protests. It must be the fact that they all go to school together that worked to my advantage. Doing an art project side by side must have seemed familiar.

After art & a few rounds of Star Wars bingo, it was time to head down to the playroom for what turned out to be the calmest scavenger hunt I have ever witnessed.

I was starting to think all of my fears about the wildness of 6 year old boys had been blown grossly out of proportion.

It is amazing how excited kids can get about jolly ranchers & starburst wrapped up in foil. You've got to love the enthusiasm of youth. Where does that go?

Upstairs for more cheese balls! I think those things must be addictive. I don't like them, but they are like catnip for kids. I've never seen them consumed so quickly.

Then back downstairs for a relay race & some fun with the parachute. Kids love parachutes! We break this out for every party & it's always a hit. It's also a sure way to get kids who had been relatively calm all juiced up & wild. That's just what happened too. Thankfully we still had one more thing to do. It was time for ice cream (I know C is my child because I gave birth to him but I still don't understand his dislike for cake....seriously?! How can you not like cake?)

That smile made it all worth it!

After ice cream & presents we let the boys (now armed with inflatable light sabers) back down to the playroom. We still had an hour left until parents got there, so I figured we'd let them have some fun without anything planned in the playroom. Had I learned nothing from reading Lord of the Flies? Now I got to see the shenanigans I was expecting earlier in the party. I know, I should've seen this coming - arming 6 year olds after filling them with ice cream & cheese balls was probably not my best idea. But, it was fun - for them. Mr. Crackers & I were getting increasingly nervous about the feral children attacking each other in the playroom, so we decided to break for an episode of Star Wars The Clone Wars.

They were still armed, but now I no longer felt like tears or a fight were imminent. After the episode was over, we disarmed our guests & allowed them to have the run of the place until their parents came to pick them up. Playtime always goes smoother when the children aren't armed. Isn't life funny that way?

All in all I think Mr. Crackers & I had as much fun as the kids (I think once it was over we were as tired as they were too). That being said, next year's party will not be at home. Thankfully I have a year to convince C how much fun parties outside the house can be!

Robbery victim in training

This morning was C's first basketball game. If you've never attended a game played by a group of 6 year olds, you have missed out on a lot of fun.

Well, honestly it's probably only fun if you are watching your own 6 year old play. I wouldn't skip out on anything you've already got planned to watch a game, but it is an enjoyable way to pass some time.


(As a brief side note here, you may be surprised to know that I actually played basketball -very badly- in high school. Since I really wasn't blessed with any remarkable skills, I relied heavily on my towering height of 5'3" to help me out on the court. OK, so I was both short & lacked talent, but I was a team player. I was never a ball hog. Seriously, I almost panicked every time I found the ball in my hands & did whatever I could to get it out of them as speedily as possible. My Alma Mater actually won the state title in girls' basketball last year - with my cousin leading them as coach! This tells me two things: 1. I clearly did not inherit the basketball skills that both my cousin & sister were blessed with. 2.I would have no hope of making the team if I were in high school today).


Anyway, I have to say that while my basketball skills have only gotten worse with age, I do remember the rules of the game. When watching basketball played by kindergartners, the first thing you need to know is that almost none of the normal rules apply. The ref doesn't make any of the normal calls, there is no such thing as traveling, double dribbling or even a foul. In fact you are not even allowed to take the ball away from another player. This is true even if they stop dribbling and try to hand the ball to you, which actually happened a couple of times. When you are on defense, your only job is told hold your hands in the air & try to block that person (without touching them or the ball) from shooting a basket. I like to call this the "Please don't shoot me, I'm unarmed stance."

C was a natural at this aspect of the game. In fact, he was so good at it, he almost never put his arms down. It didn't matter what end of the court he was on, his arms were in the air.

He didn't seem to understand, at first, the fact that he was on offense on one side of the court & defense on the other end. On both ends, he kept his arms in the air & tried to block his "man" from the basketball hoop.

At least in this shot he's on defense. In the first two pictures his team was actually on offense.


I think he started affecting his team mates with this new method of play. It really started to catch on. Here they are on offense again and he and his new friend are camped in front of the basket with their arms in the air. I'm telling you one thing, if he's ever in the bank during a robbery, he's all set. He's got that motion down!

Thankfully, by the second half of the game, he started to catch on and gave his arms a bit of a rest. He even got the ball & attempted a few shots. In the end he had a good time & that's really all that matters at this age. I'm just glad his arms aren't sore. He's got to defend the rebel forces from an attack by the Imperial armies at his birthday party tomorrow afternoon.

Who are these children?

Mr. Crackers had to work late a couple of evenings this week, so the kids & I had to do dinner on our own. I am relatively apathetic about cooking dinner for the 2 pickiest kids in America when he is gone. I get weary of eating tomato soup, macaroni and cheese and spaghetti.

So, my hooligans & I spent the first evening without Mr. Crackers eating pizza with my parents. As always, the kids managed to make a simple dinner out seem like a mild form of torture. K was out of her seat every 5 minutes or so asking to go to the bathroom (this is her ploy to get a change of scenery & get away from the table. I still fall for it every time since I am a complete dummy she's only been fully potty trained for about a month or so & I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt). C was tired, so he insisted on giving me all kinds of attitude about his dinner options & then once his meal arrived, announced that he didn't like what he ordered. All of this is pretty typical, but I can only inflict this kind of pain on my folks once a week, so I knew I was on my own for dinner the next evening
.

Since I was still apathetic about cooking last night, I decided to torture myself again the three of us should go out for Chinese food. Strangely, my hooligans behave pretty well in restaurants when it's just the three of us. Introduce another adult into the mix & things get a little dicey. I'm not sure why this is, but I have decided to just go with it.

We got to our neighborhood Chinese restaurant & ordered our standard favorites. For some reason (I think the movie Kung Fu Panda may be the cause) both kids decided that they had to eat their entire meal with chopsticks. This was a first. Now both of my kids have a set of kid-friendly training chopsticks that was given to them by one of my friends last year, but I didn't have those with me.

These cute chopstick holders were in my utensil drawer at home where they did me no good!

So, I had to watch my hooligans try and get the food to their mouths 4 pieces of rice at a time. They would not listen to my helpful hints on how to use chopsticks. Nope, they wanted to figure it all out of their own. It was like watching a train wreck (a really slow train wreck that lasts 30 minutes or more). On the bright side, I didn't have to rush & down my food really quickly like I normally do. The meal lasted an eternity a really long time.





After we finally finished eating and got home, it was getting close to bedtime. We headed upstairs so the kids could put on their PJs before we settled in to watch some TV. I had turned on Andrew Zimmern's show Bizarre Foods while the kids were getting dressed. Have you seen this show yet? I really like it. The man has an iron stomach & will try absolutely any food at least once. Last night's show took place in Morocco & my 2 hooligans were instantly hooked. They sat down next to me & actually shushed me when I asked if they wanted to watch the Backyardigans. "No Mom! Be quiet, we are trying to watch this show!"



And watch it they did. We watched Andrew eat couscous, goat, kidneys, some kind of fetid meat and egg dish and even calf brains. My two kids were mesmerized. I was expecting to hear a lot of "Eewww, that's yucky!" from my youngest, but the only time she said it was when he ate the brains (honestly, I have to say I agreed with her on that one). It was really fun watching the show with them. They seemed to have a really open attitude toward the cuisine of Morocco, which is odd for 2 children who find such limited appeal in the food I make. Hmmm... I'll try not to take it too personally even if I hear "Eeewww" about something I cook at least once a day. Hopefully it's not a commentary on my cooking skills....



I don't know if last night was an aberration or if their minds are actually starting to expand a little bit, but it was fun. Now I just need to remember to put those training chop-sticks in my purse for next time!

Help me Obi-wan Kenobi...

My oldest hooligan C had his 6th birthday a few days after Christmas. To celebrate the day, we went to see a movie & then had some family over for presents & ice cream (I know he is my child, but inexplicably, C does not like cake). We pushed his birthday party out a couple of weeks so that we could distance it a bit from Christmas & so I would have time to mentally prepare myself for the sheer wildness that results when you put a group of 6 year old boys together in an enclosed space.

Mr. Crackers & I tried, but we could not entice C to have his birthday at any place other than here at home (C has become quite the homebody lately. With the exception of school, we have to blast him out of the house kicking and screaming most days). So, now I find myself getting ready to host a Star Wars party for 9 six year old boys in my house this weekend (What's with that anyway? I invited 8 boys thinking that I'd probably be lucky to have 5 or 6 come. I even sent the invitations out really late, so people didn't even have a whole week's notice. But, so far everyone is coming. Darn it, I guess I should've sent them out even later).

Without thinking, I said that the party would last from 2-5. Holy Heck, that's 3 hours I now need to fill! I looked online for some help and found some good ideas on Birthdaypartyideas.com. I also discovered that some people have way too much time on their hands. One woman went into tremendous detail about how she painted her whole garage & used a black light to make a cool Star Wars set. Seriously, who has that kind of time? And just what do you do with the black light & all the paint once the party's over?

So now, I am hip deep in planning this shindig that is now less than 4 days away. Thankfully, Mr. Crackers is an idea man & he embraced the whole Star Wars theme with gusto. With his help we have some game ideas including, Star Wars bingo, a scavenger hunt, a puzzle relay race and a balloon popping extravaganza. There are also a few arts and crafts projects planned: alien shrinky dinks (remember shrinky dinks? I loved them as a kid), and some coloring pages.

In an attempt to add a little bit of zest to the party, I got some brown felt from the store & have made very simple Jedi ponchos for all the boys (Don't you remember how all the Jedi's wore ponchos? No? Hmmm... maybe that was episode 11 or something. Anyway, I can't sew so I had to make something that didn't require anything more that a few cuts with my trusty scissors. So, Jedi ponchos for everyone! Maybe this will start a new trend .) K will be joining the boys dressed in her very own white Princess Leah poncho. In addition to all the ponchos, I will be giving each of the children their very own inflatable light saber. I mean if you're going to have a bunch of sugared up 6 year old boys at your house, why not just go ahead and arm them to make the party extra fun!

I am thinking that the movie would've had a whole different vibe if everyone was dressed like this.

"We will use the force to defeat Darth Vader and his Imperial Armies so that we can preserve our right to wear ill fitting ponchos! "

Hopefully, we'll be able to get through the whole party relatively unscathed. I'll give you an update next week. We could really use a little bit of the force right now: dark side, light side - at this point I won't quibble! Help us Obi-wan Kenobi, you're our only hope!

Tales from the car pool

Since today was the first day back to school for my oldest hooligan C, it was also the first day that I had to drive the post-kindergarten car pool. In the two weeks we had off, I forgot the craziness that ensues when you strap 6 year olds into a mini-van after a day of school.



We had just made it out of the school parking lot, when my son randomly said, "butt, butt, penis" in a relatively calm and quiet voice. I have no idea where this came from. He pulled it right out of the clear blue sky.

Upon hearing this, C's buddy in the far back seat starts to bust a gut with laughter.

Honestly, it came so completely out of nowhere & C's friend & little sister were laughing so hard, that I found myself giggling a little bit too. I pulled myself together quickly, but not quick enough to stop him from repeating the phrase even louder this time.

"BUTT, BUTT, PENIS!", he began chanting in a very loud voice.

My standard line when these shenanigans start in the car is to say, "Let's leave the bathroom talk in the bathroom where it belongs, boys." But honestly, my son will do anything for a laugh, so I knew that this was going to be a battle that was going to be hard to win while driving. After going about a mile or so, I finally got him to stop the chanting and found myself mollified when the conversation digressed to fart noises. Thankfully shortly thereafter, C's favorite song came on the radio, so I was spared from more 6 year old humor while the kids all sang, "I like to move it, move it!"

This afternoon I got another flash of this special brand of kindergarten humor. C and I were working on his family poster for school. Next week is C's turn to be the class star and the festivities will kick off when he presents a poster board filled with pictures of his friends and family to the class. He had written his name on the poster & we had finished taping all of his photos down when he asked me, "How do you spell bottom?"

"Why do you want to know?" I asked.
"Oh, I want to write in on my poster." he replied calmly
"Ummm, why would you want to do that? This is a poster about you and your family."
"Oh, I know Mom. Everyone just laughs when I say the word bottom at school, so I wanted to make sure to write it on my poster."

Geesh...I can't wait for parent-teacher conferences in the spring.

Thankfully, he accepted my explanation why we wouldn't be writing the word bottom on his family poster. After some negotiation, he seemed happy once I allowed him to write the word R2D2 on his project instead. It was a trade-off I was happy to make.

This is why I don't have any famous friends.....

About 8 months ago my friend Kelly told me about the website Goodreads. Have you seen this site before? If you like to read, you really need to check it out. Goodreads allows each member to input the books they have read or would like to read. It also allows you to assign a rating for those books & to write a review if you'd like. Kelly & I are avid readers, and she pointed out it that it was a great way to learn about new books & to keep up with what we were both reading. I joined and quickly found out that she was right. It's a great resource for finding new reading material.



Before I found Goodreads, I had either gone to the library or book store & stared at the book covers until I found one that looked appealing. This was a fun way to pass the time before I had children. Now, however when I tried to look for new books this way I found that my 2 hooligans would often run wildy around the store or library screaming at the top of their lungs while other patrons and store/library personnel glared at me disapprovingly not stand still long enough for me to make my selection. So, I often found myself either re-reading the same books I already owned over & over again or waiting for my Mom to feed me her books once she was done reading them.

Once I signed up & joined the site, I spent the first few evenings updating my online reading library & included many books that I had read over the past few years (you knew I was a geek right? The fact that I not only took the time to do this, but also enjoyed doing it shouldn't really surprise you....). After that was accomplished I went ahead and gave them all a ranking from 1 to 5 stars. Because I had read a lot of the books more than once, it was a pretty easy task.


Since the spring, I've used the site a lot and have gotten many really good recommendations on both fiction and non-fiction. I have seen my virtual library of books read and my pile books to read grow pretty steadily. I have even written some of my own reviews on the site.


Now let's flash forward to yesterday. I checked my emails & there was a Goodreads friend request from someone named Charlotte Hughes. "Hmm'" I thought to myself, "that name sounds familiar." Then I realized why: Charlotte Hughes is an author. She has written several books in partnership with Janet Evanovich (one of my all-time favorite authors) and has also written many books on her own.

I had no idea, why she wanted to be my friend, but I approved her online friendship eagerly, especially once I saw that I was only one of 10 other friends she had on the site. I felt special...hand picked by a New York Times best selling author as her friend. OK, I realize she doesn't really know me & yes, I know that this does not mean we are friends in any real sense of the word. But still, it was pretty cool.


Then I went to my on-line library of books & typed in her name. I soon discovered that despite the fact I have read a few of her books, only one is listed on my virtual bookshelf. I clicked to see what book it was & I noticed that I had only given her book 3 out of 5 stars! Yikes - this did not bode well for our virtual friendship. Then I looked closer & saw that I had also reviewed her book.

Here is what I wrote about her novel What Looks Like Crazy:
"I read this book because I did enjoy the books Charlotte Hughes co-wrote with Janet Evanovich. I enjoyed the characters & the story, but I felt like it was a bit too short & left a lot of loose ends dangling. It looks like this is part of a series, but even knowing that, I felt like this book could have been developed more. It was ejoyable, but a little disappointing"



OMG!!!!

First of all, how many times can I use the words enjoy and book in a 4 sentence paragraph? Secondly, check out the way I misspell the only nice part of my review on this novel: It was ejoyable?!? Aaarrrggh! This woman is an author & I did a terrible job of writing a lukewarm review of one of her books. Seriously, I think my new virtual friendship is off to a bit of a rocky start (I also think I need to stop writing reviews on the site until I can improve my writing skills!).

I now feel compelled to read her entire library of books & give them all 5 stars to redeem myself. Do you think she'll sense my desperation? Would that come off as too needy? I think the pressure of our new friendship may be getting the better of me. I mean, if she truly wants to be my friend, she'll appreciate my honest opinions, no matter how poorly written they are, right?

I'm starting to think she was trying to delete my poorly written review & accidentally hit the wrong button. She probably got my acceptance email of our friendship online & has been trying to figure out how to break off the relationship ever since. Is there even a way to do that in Goodreads? Well, until she figures it out, I get to tell everyone that one of my friends has been on the New York Times best seller list.

Don't worry Kelly, I'm not replacing you as a friend. Clearly relationships with the famous & well written are just too much for me to handle! Charlotte can just go ahead and dump me whenever she wants. I'll stick with you (besides you have too much dirt on me from our days in high school together. You'd be far too dangerous to alienate!).