Does my lip look swollen to you?

It's been a tough week for Mrs Crackers (& therefore a tough week for the rest of the Cracker family). On two separate occasions this week I was sure I was mere moments away from an ambulance ride to the ER.

The first time came on Monday evening. I had been feeling a little lethargic all weekend, but had blamed it on a lack of sleep and a new allergy medication that I had taken on Saturday. Ignoring my low energy level (I'm not always good at cuing into my body signals) I set off on Monday afternoon for a nice 3 mile run a limping 2 1/4 mile walk/jog with an emphasis on walk. After I came home I was crazy hot -so hot that the thought of my kids touching me at all was sending me over the edge. It was humid, but the temp hadn't gotten out of the upper 70's. After I drank a couple of Gatorades I went from being hot to being so cold I started to shiver & my toes started going numb.

I took a shower to see if I could get my body temperature back on track & continued to pound down as many liquids as I could get my hands on. Being a closet hypochondriac I had already diagnosed myself with several disorders before I even finished washing my hair. After my shower I was still cold, so I finally realized I should probably take my temperature. It was 102.5. That's it! I was happy to finally settle on a diagnosis - I decided I had heat exhaustion brought on by dehydration and the high humidity levels! I don't get sick real often, but when I do I enjoy freaking myself out with grim and sometimes potentially fatal diagnoses.

I should state here, although it is probably obvious to you by now, that I have absolutely no medical training. at. all. I was about to demand that Mr. Crackers drop everything and take me to the ER immediately, but decided I should probably take some Advil and consult every hypochondriac's favorite website, Webmd, to confirm my diagnosis first. After reading all I could on the subject, it appeared I did not have heat exhaustion after all. Whew!

When I shared my good news with Mr. Crackers, he calmly pointed out that I had been feeling a little under the weather before I even went out for my run and that I had probably just made myself feel more sick with physical activity that my body was in no shape to handle. But what does he know? I decided that instead, I was suffering from severe, somewhat less than extreme , mild dehydration. I proceeded to drink 3 more glasses of ice water over the next few hours all the while telling Mr. Crackers that I would be back to normal by the next morning.

Well, after a couple of days of fighting exhaustion and temperatures ranging from 100.5 -102, Mr. Crackers made me I decided to go see my doctor. I didn't have any obvious symptoms so after speaking to the doctor, he decided to give me a prescription for Amoxicillin just in case I was suffering from a strep infection. He didn't do a test to see if I had strep, which was fine with me. I figured I am rarely sick, so a little antibiotics can't hurt me even if I don't really need them right? (you can almost taste the foreshadowing here, can't you?)

I woke up last night at 2:45 am because the palms of my hands were itching something fierce. I headed downstairs to take a look them & grab a glass of water. When I got into the kitchen I saw that my hands and arms were covered in a red rash. After some further exploring, I discovered that I was completely covered in a rash from head to toe. Crap! I had seen this rash before. I had a similar reaction to a prescription I was on when I first met Mr. Crackers. At that time though I was about 13 years dumber younger, so it had taken me several days to get myself in to see a doctor who diagnosed me with a drug allergy in about 2.2 seconds after I set foot in the exam room.

So, now I knew I was probably allergic to Amoxicillin. But, it was 3:00 am. Not much I could do but take a couple of Benadryl & see what happened. This waiting to see what happens is a very dangerous thing for me to do in the wee hours of the morning. I started imagining the worst possible outcome for every little twitch I felt. To alleviate my growing fears, I decided to again consult my favorite website(Webmd) to see what they had to say about my reaction to Amoxicillin and this is what I saw:
"A very serious allergic reaction to this drug is unlikely, but seek immediate medical attention if it occurs. Symptoms of a serious allergic reaction may include: rash, itching/swelling (especially of the face/tongue/throat), severe dizziness, trouble breathing."

Double crap! I could feel my blood pressure ratchet up a notch as I began imagining the "trouble breathing" part of that sentence. After a little while longer at my computer, I was sure that I could feel my lip start to swell up. I sprang up out of my chair to go check it out and got a little dizzy. Triple crap! Dizziness!? Another symptom! Now I was sure that I was moments away from going unconscious, so I decided to share the fun & wake up Mr. Crackers who was peacefully dreaming away. I put myself into my "crisis management mode" & went to rouse him from his slumber.

Me: Babe. Wake up.

Mr. C: Huh?! What?!

Me: Babe. I just need to tell you that I am having an allergic reaction to my medicine & I think we're going to need to call 911 like really soon.

Mr. C: Huh?! What?!

Me: It's just that I have a rash over my entire body & I was dizzy just a minute ago & I think my face is swelling up, so I wanted to wake you up so that you can call 911 if I pass out or something.

Mr. C: Huh?! What?!

Me: I took 2 Benadryl about 45 minutes ago, but I can't tell if they are working. Maybe you should call my Mom & Dad. I know it's early, but they could drive over and watch the kids so you can ride with me to the hospital in the ambulance.

Mr. C: What?! What time is it?

Me: Umm...it's 4:00. But that's OK I've been up for over an hour now (I still don't know what I meant by this statement. I must've thought this gave some weight to my argument or something).

Mr. C: Wait a minute. Why are you pacing around the room. I don't understand. Can't you stand still? Stop walking around for a minute OK!? (I should explain here that when I go into my "crisis mode" I start talking slowly in a very calm voice while pacing back and forth like General Patton addressing the troops. I have no idea why I do this, but this is not the first time I have discovered that the pacing is very off putting to others.)

Me: I think I can stand still. I dunno. Let me try. Yes. Yes, I can just stand still for a minute.

Mr. C: C'mon into the bathroom with me for a 'sec. Lets see what's going on. Hmm... yep that's a rash alright.

Me: How about my upper lip? Does my lip look swollen to you? Don't forget about the dizziness.

Mr. C: Are you dizzy now?

Me: No. Huh. Maybe I was just dizzy 'cause I got up so fast from reclining when I was running to the bathroom to see if my lip was swollen. What about my lip?! It's swollen right?

Mr. C: Well (squinting) ...maybe it's a little swollen, but you're still no Angelina Jolie. It looks OK to me (here he starts poking me in the lip with his index finger). It's really not that swollen Babe. You said already took 2 Benadryl right? What do you want to do? Do you want me to call 911.

Me: Well maybe I can just stay awake a little longer to make sure I don't lose consciousness. It would be more noticeable if I passed out while I was still awake, don't you think? Yes, I'm going to stay awake a little longer.

Mr. C: OK. Sure... why don't we go lie down though. No reason why we can't lie down while we're waiting for you to pass out. Right?

So that's what we did. We got into bed & Mr. Crackers rubbed my back to help me relax a bit & come down from the DEFCON 1 status I had gotten myself into. He was also kind enough to only mock me gently until we both eventually fell back asleep.

I called the doctor this morning & sure enough I currently have a non-life threatening allergic reaction to Amoxicillin. I've got a new prescription waiting for me at CVS as we speak. Hopefully this means a return to normalcy here at the House of Crackers. I'm sure Mr. Crackers will be happy to have me step away from Webmd for the balance of the week!