O Tannenbaum

Last Thursday we headed out to get our Christmas tree.

Every year I imagine our whole family driving out to a local farm to pick our own Christmas tree. I dream of us looking around at all the beautiful trees around us and settling on one that catches our collective eye. It is beautiful and full and fragrant.... And then we chop it down, strap it to the top of our minivan and haul it home where it will spend the rest of its short life decorated with white lights and sparkly ornaments.

But then as December comes, reality sets in. I look at our busy calendar and remember how cold December in Ohio can be. So instead of driving out to a farm, we head to our local home improvement super store to pick a tree.

Once at the store, a yearly pattern emerges. Mr. Crackers holds up a tree & says "What do you think?". Our son C is usually not even in the same row with us. He's typically running around, so hopped on Christmas tree fever that he can't even stand still long enough to look at any tree for more than 1.2 seconds. Meanwhile K is bundled up in her winter coat with her hat covering most of her eyes & the collar of her coat up over her nose. You can't really even see her face as she continually complains, "I'm cold!".

Once Mr. Crackers has the tree in his hands, I keep asking both kids, "What do think guys? Is this the one?" From the next aisle over C shouts "Yep, that's the one Mom". While K gives me a muffled, "I'm still cold! Can we go home?"

I try and give the tree a critical look while shouting "C, please come over here. Stay where I can see you please! Stop running around like a maniac!" Finally I say, "I feel like we should look at another one, before making our decision."

This goes on for about 15 minutes as Mr. Crackers continues to patiently hold up tree after tree while C runs around the store, K whines about the cold and I say, "Hmmm...I'm not sure this is the one. Maybe just one more."

Finally I reach a point where the whining and running start to wear on my patience and I decide that whatever tree Mr. Crackers is holding is the tree we are buying. Not necessarily because it is the prettiest or the most full. Simply because he is holding that particular tree when I decide it's time to go.

Thankfully, most of the time we've gotten pretty lucky. I mean, once you put lights and ornaments on a tree it typically looks really good, even if it isn't very full and has huge gaps that are missing branches. Put enough ornaments and lights on it, and usually looks just like every other Christmas tree we've ever had.

Once we bring the tree home, it is my job to put the lights on it each year. I am a crazy person about lights. I like a lot of lights on the tree, but I don't like to see the wires. I go nuts when I can see too many wires (insert Mommy Dearest joke here). Because of this lunacy it takes me a bit of time to get the lights on the tree. I blame this problem on my Dad who was afflicted with this same issue in my childhood. I remember waiting and waiting for what seemed like hours for him to get all of the lights on the tree. I also remember complaining about how long it took him to get the lights up.

So in a twist of irony and fate, I now do the same thing to my kids. Kind of... Since according to Mr. Crackers it is "EXTREMELY PAINFUL" to watch me put lights on the tree, I try to get the lights on when no one is around. That way, I get to take my time and be a true maniac about wrapping the strands of lights around each branch I come to. And the kids and Mr. Crackers don't have to watch me do it while continually asking, "are you done yet?" See, everybody wins!

Usually, putting the lights on the tree takes me a couple of hours. But since I am listening to Christmas music and am thoroughly wrapped up in the task, the time usually goes pretty quickly. This year though for some reason EVERY STRAND OF LIGHTS THAT WE OWN STOPPED WORKING! I know that sometimes I am prone to exaggeration, but I am telling you the truth. It was both incredibly frustrating and really odd. So, a job that normally takes 2 hours, took me ALL DAY!

Thankfully though last year we bought this tool:

O Light Keeper Pro Bulb Tester and Repair Tool, how I love thee!

Although it took quite a bit of time, my handy light repair tool and I finally got all but one of the strands working again. Admittedly there were quite a few bulbs out on each of the newly repaired strands, but since each strand had about 200 lights, they still glowed brightly. And honestly, I was just happy that I got the strands to work again. Now I know most normal people upon finding that their strands of lights were no longer working would just truck their hiney over to their local Target to buy new strands of lights, but as you now from reading this blog I am not normal.

So it was with a sense of pride (and also a bit of leftover frustration) that I finally announced to my family late in the afternoon that the lights were on and tree was ready to decorate.

We spent a really nice Friday evening decorating the tree and looking at all of our ornaments. While picking the tree may not have been a warm family moment, decorating the tree definitely falls into that category. Once we are done decorating, everyone shares with the family their favorite ornament and I think everyone's favorite changes every year. Decorating the tree is always one of my favorite things to do during the Christmas season. Maybe that is why I am such a lunatic about the lights.

As I came down the stairs the next morning, Mr. Crackers looked at me and said, "I have to tell you something. But first I want you to look me in the eye and take a deep calming breath. Are you calm?"

"Well, I was a moment ago before you started freaking me out What is going on?!"

"I just need you to be calm. Are you calm?"

"Holy cow! Just tell me what is happening! Is everyone OK?"

"Look at me. Just promise me you won't freak out."

"WHAT. IS. IT!"

" OK. Here it is. A strand of lights just went out on the Christmas tree".

"Oh. Is that all?! Geez, you had me really freaked out there for a second. I thought something awful had happened. A strand of lights huh? That's OK. Geez."

And it was. I'm not sure if that was his plan or not, but in terms of all of the terrible things that could have happened, the darkening of a strand of lights on the Christmas tree wasn't even a blip on my radar screen. So I may be a lunatic, but at least I have my priorities in order. Whew, dodged a bullet on that one.

Then two nights ago another strand blew out. Oh well. Our tree may be getting a bit darker, but it's still really beautiful.

Just remind me next year to get new lights.