It was a great first day of school until Mommy made me cry...

Yesterday was C's first day of school. This year he's in first grade - honestly, I can't believe he's such a big boy. Where has the time gone? Even though he can really drive me nuts sometimes, I just wasn't ready for him to be gone all day.

He, on the other hand, was completely ready to go. He's been looking forward to first grade with the same kind of excitement usually reserved for vacations or new Lego sets. In fact, he was so pumped up for his first day that he was dressed and ready to go 35 minutes before we had to leave the house. So much for my unfounded worries that it would be difficult getting him up and going in the morning..

As I packed his lunch for the first day, I put a little note in his lunch bag that said "Hope you are having a great day! Love, Mom" This seemed like the kind of thing a good Mom would do. I wasn't willing to cut his sandwich into the shape of a star or smiley face - that type of super Mom activity is a little beyond my capabilities - but I thought he'd get a kick out of the note since he's doing such a good job of reading now. I taped it onto the bag holding his salami & cheese sandwich & placed it in his brand new red lunch bag.

When we got to school in the morning, he asked me to walk him to his room. The request surprised me a bit, but I think it was more to ensure he found the right classroom than it was an emotional need for the security of having his Mom close by. I know this because as soon as I told him we were approaching his classroom he took off without a look back or a goodbye. I shouted out "I love you! Have a good day" to his rapidly shrinking back but didn't get any response except for a smile from his new teacher.

K & I then headed back to the car for a morning of running errands around town. We finished up right at 12:00 and headed home for the quietest lunch I've had in months. It was strange having my oldest (and most talkative) child missing from the table. It was even stranger eating an entire meal without having to say "please keep your bottom in the chair" or "use your napkin not your shirt" or "please stop talking, burping, growling, singing, etc.... and eat." I imagined him in the school cafeteria at a long table filled with friends laughing, burping & making fake farting noises. I was sure he was having a great time.

When I picked him up from school I asked him how his day was.

His first words to me were, "You know Mom, I cried today at school. I missed you"

What?! I couldn't believe it! This child has never ever cried over my absence! Not when he was at daycare, not when the babysitter comes over, not in his 2 years of preschool or during the entire year of kindergarten. In fact, he almost always seems thrilled, almost giddy, that I am finally leaving. I wasn't sure how to take this news...

"What happened Buddy? Why did you cry?"

"Well, I was eating my lunch & I saw your note. I read it & it made me think about you and miss you... so I cried."

"Oh honey, I am so sorry!! I just wanted to wish you a good day, I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

"OK, no more notes though Mom. OK?"

"OK, got it. No more notes."

I then passed out some pretzels to the other boys in the carpool so they could have a snack to eat on the way home. C declined his bag of pretzels & said "I still have a bunch of food in my lunch bag. I'll just eat some of that."

I said, "Were you too excited to eat? Did you not have enough time to get it all eaten?"

"No, I just spent a lot of my lunchtime crying & then I when I was done, I really didn't feel like eating much."

Nice move Mom! Just chalk it up to another smooth move by yours truly. Oh well. Nothing like making your child cry on his first day of school to make you feel a like a really great monster mother. Yes Mom, I loved school & I was having a great time meeting new friends and playing until YOU MADE ME CRY!

I have no doubt that this one's going to come up during some therapy session in his future adulthood. Hmm...I have a feeling this is just one of many times to come when my good intentions will go horribly awry. Parenthood...good times, good times.


Needless to say, I was thrilled when he informed me he was going to buy his lunch today at school.