All clear

For about the last 11 months I've had stomach pains. They were somewhat intermittent and although sometimes painful, never seemed quite so bad as to warrant a special trip to the doctor. Just when I would consider seeking some medical help the pains would subside for a bit & I'd get on with other things.

Over the course of the past year I have slowly figured out some of the things that exacerbated the problem and did my best to eliminate them from my diet. I was very sad when I discovered that coffee, Coke, alcohol and spicy foods were some of the worst culprits. My abbreviated diet made feel like I was pregnant again -- but without the frequent peeing, weight gain, and childbirth that usually accompany a real pregnancy.

I found a couple of over the counter medications that seemed to help a little bit, but over the long haul the problems kept coming back. So, on a visit to my doctor for a separate issue a few weeks back I mentioned my ongoing stomach battles.

I guess I figured my doctor would prescribe something or give me the green light to take Prevacid everyday (being a rule follower, I didn't want to take it for more than the 2 weeks that are recommended on the bottle without a doctor's go ahead). Instead, I was told that I would be getting a call from a GI doctor and that I would be the lucky recipient of both an upper GI endoscopy and a colonoscopy! Wahoo! Apparently my family history was a deciding factor in going for the whole work up. As my new GI doc said,"You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family history." Bah-dum-dum!

The fateful day of my digestive adventure (this is what I will be calling my procedures from here on out since it sounds more daring and less like something that was done to me while I lay unconscious on a table) was Wednesday of this week.

Unlike some people in my family (& I'm looking at you Mr. Crackers) the part I was dreading was not taking the laxatives and cleaning out the pipes. No, what I was dreading was the day of clear liquids before the cleaning even started. You see, I'm a grazer. I eat all day long. I never seem to be able to eat a lot at any one sitting, but you can bet that about every couple of hours I'm looking for something else to stuff into my pie hole. So, the idea of not being able to eat anything substantial for an entire day had me in a bit of a tizzy. I mean really, I'm the person who eats all the noodles and chicken in a bowl of chicken noodle soup and leaves the broth behind. A day of nothing but jello, broth and hard candies sounded a bit like torture to me.

Where's all the good stuff?

When I originally scheduled my digestive adventure (see, it sounds better than colonoscopy doesn't it?) I had a few requirements: I wanted a day when I wasn't driving the carpool in the morning and one that was immediately proceeded by a day where I've got a lot going on. It just so happens that Tuesdays, especially Tuesday mornings are really busy, so I scheduled the adventure for Wednesday morning figuring that all that activity the day prior would keep my mind occupied.

Little did I know that both of my kids would get sick and that we would be spending all of Tuesday in the house together. And since the kids were lying on the couch watching TV in a somewhat vegetative state that my "busy day" would turn into a very long, very quiet day.

As you can imagine, I was doing everything I could -- cleaning, laundry, reading books -- to keep my mind off food. I eventually had to hide the cookies since I found myself clutching the bag several times almost involuntarily. The only upside was that since the kids were sick enough to spend the whole day on the couch, they were safe from my increasing crankiness. And trust me, I was getting really cranky. I was having daydreams about cheeseburgers. And it was just about agonizing to sit with the family watching them eat Chinese take-out for dinner while I forced down more clear broth while trying to pretend it was really chicken fried rice. Sadly, my imagination just wasn't that good.

I won't go into the details of the evening before my digestive adventure began (I hear you thanking me from here), but I will say that I really didn't get more than a few hours of sleep. Except for the lack of sleep, the process itself wasn't bad at all and as a perk I finally got to take advantage of the fact that we still subscribe to HBO. I have to say I got lucky and there were some really good movies on at 3:30 Wednesday morning.

By the time the sun started to rise, my preoccupation with food had been replaced by a new worry...anesthesia. I have luckily never been sedated before and was secretly terrified that I would be the 1 person in 100000 who would go under, have a reaction to the anesthesia and never wake up again. I knew myself well enough not go and do any research on the subject online. Past early morning Webmd research jaunts have proven that I have a tendency to overreact and focus on the worst possible scenario I find. Once the kids were up, the rest of the morning flew by and thankfully I didn't have time to worry about the risks of sedation.

Before I knew it I was at the doctor's office and found myself being called back to get ready for my digestive adventure. They had me undress and change into a giant hospital gown, yet for some reason had me keep my shoes and socks on. I'm sure I must have looked as weird as I felt wearing my a hospital gown along with brown socks and brown suede shoes. I felt a bit like a flasher especially since the hospital gown was about 5 sizes too big and despite all the fasteners I had to keep a death-like grip on the front to avoid flashing the nurses and all of the other patients in various states of consciousness.

I laid down in the bed and they put in an IV and rolled me into the procedure room. Once there, they told me they were going to mix a little "medicine" in with my oxygen and that I should make sure to breathe through my nose. I had a moment of worry, then I took one deep breath and said "Wow you aren't messing around, this stuff really packs a punch." And then after that, everything else is a blank.

Thankfully my Mom was there, because apparently (although I don't remember the conversation since I was still a little out of it from the anesthesia) the doctor met with me after the procedure and informed me that everything looked good. Whew! I was in the clear - no ulcers or other issues. It looks like my stomach just produces too much acid so I was given a prescription to take everyday to control it.

The next thing I can remember is getting back into my Mom's car and requesting that she drive as quickly as possible to the nearest Arby's -- even though I had been dreaming of cheeseburgers I wasn't sure my system could handle all that grease. And besides, I just can't get enough of that French Dip and Swiss sandwich. Whoever came up with that one is an evil genius!
I've been on the new meds for a few days & so far they really seem to work well. So, I guess in the end I got what I wanted: a prescription for something that is safe for me to take everyday. I guess I just had to go through a bit of an adventure to get them. With medicine in hand I feel like I'm finally ready to take on all of the holiday feasting this season...which is definitely something to be thankful for.